Since young, I have always been on the fleshy side.

The momentum goes like this: Put on a few kilos, maintain that weight for a period of about 1-2 years and it goes up again.

During my first year at university, it hit a point when I look at the mirror and find myself disgusting. I turned to help from a doctor who prescribed me with slimming pills. After about a year, I attained the lowest weight I have ever had since Primary School. There were even people telling me I should put on a bit of weight because my face looks haggard so thin. To tell the truth, it didn't really feel like my body.

This "slim me" lasted only about 5 years, until my first year of work. I had 3 meals a day instead of the 2 before. Slowly, the fats started to pile on again.

So you see, this has been a long-lasting battle with the bulges.

Ever since last Sept, I have been taking the healthy path to weight loss - exercise and sensible diet. The second part more so after I started my sessions with a personal trainer. I didn't want to use slimming pills again because the side effects were really bad after some time. They include heart palpitations, insomnia and worst of all, gigantic pimple breakouts.

Currently, I go to gym twice a week (most weeks). I hated running in school and skipped PE lessons just so I didn't have to run the 2.4km. I'm now running 45 min on the treadmill twice a week. I used to have Big Baos, carrot cake etc for breakfast and I especially love my teh tarik in the morning. I gave all these up because of the high fat content. The teh tarik was the hardest thing to cut. I now eat sandwiches for breakfast, together with a glass of low-fat milk. I had sliced fish soup for lunch twice so far this week (how much healthier can you get?).

Even with all these changes in my lifestyle and diet, the weight and fats are not decreasing.

Other than Su, the only person in the company I'm quite close to is a secretary from another department. Let's call her Tine. Yesterday, the 3 of us were shopping after lunch and she repeatedly made remarks about how fat I am. Granted, she said that I had a pretty face and would look fabulous if only I lost weight. She might have good intention, but saying it once is enough. She did not have to repeatedly call me fat. I felt that it was slightly derogatory. However, I decided not to take it to heart and just forget it.

Today, I went up to her office to get something. While I was at her table, a gal from another department came by to collect a cheque. Tine said to her, "How come you took so long? You said you were going to come down immediately. Even the fat horse (literal translation) here (meaning me) took faster than you." When the gal expressed shock at her statement because it was so rude, Tine went on to say: "Well, she had to defy gravity and come up to this floor while you are coming down."

That was such an insult coming from someone I treated as a friend. I have no idea how to react at that moment and just smiled and excuse myself after that. Even Su was shocked at how rude Tine was when I told her about it.

Tine also told Su that maybe the fatter guys will like me. When Su replied that I might not like them, Tine basically said that I had no reason to be picky given my size. Does being plump means that I do not have a right to choose? That I have to settle? That I should just be grateful if someone's interested in me?

Later at the gym, the trainer was trying to guess whether I'm attached. He said probably not because of my size.

There's only so much a gal's ego can take. I'm doing everything I can, short of giving up the occasional treats I have (dinners with friends on Friday nights) or starving, I'm not sure what else can be done.

# posted by Shopaholic : 10:18 PM