Since young, about 12 yrs old, I have been a big fan of romance novels. Progressing from Sweet Dreams to trashy M&B books, I collected them all from second-hand bookshops. (Sunny bookshop at Far East Plaza offered very cheap deals.) In fact, I used to pride myself on having an almost-complete collection of the Sweet Dreams novels.

One common theme of these stories is the prince in shining armour, the happily-ever-after endings. They ignited dreams of such true love for myself and I longed for the day I experience it.

The first time I fell in love at the ripe old age of 19 was a wonderful period. I was submerged in bliss and happiness. It's as if the world had suddenly brightened up and everyday is a delight. But alas, reality sets in. Still, my belief in true love held strong.

However, as each year passes, this belief is slowly eroded. It's strongly tested and occasionally overwhelmed by doubts and anger. Now I frequently wonder whether it's unrealistic and whether my simple expectations is still too much.

A lot of friends ask why I persist believing in Someone. (Incidentally, he's the first love.) I can never answer that and I gave the question a lot of thought. I guess the reason is that he's the only one who managed to touch me at the very core of my heart, who understands me without me saying a word. Whether it's blissfulness, happiness, anger, despair, he is the only one who ever made me feel these emotions deeply.

It's a matter of whether I can take the bad along with the good. Sometimes, the bad can be unbearable and drives me nuts and depressed.

# posted by Shopaholic : 10:23 PM